mattmarblo:

WORF SMASH

DEAL WITH IT

alexkarmamojo:

Words. Cannot. 

So. Amazing.

It has been 1 year since my last post. Let’s do this.

I have a meeting with Air Force Captain James Stephens in about 45 minutes to discuss the future possibility of joining ROTC at Iowa State University next year.  Needless to say I’m pretty nervous about it. The financial aid people yesterday were absolutely no help so it’s pretty much down to this meeting today to decide whether or not I will ever be coming back to ISU. Hopefully I’ll be able to get an awesome scholarship. I really don’t know how I’ll be able to tell my family/girlfriend I want to join though… My stomach is officially churning.

At least he looks like a nice enough guy…

I just remembered this dream I had the other day. Tony Kosmides (my mortal enemy) called me while I was at a party because his sister had OD’d on something. Apparently I was a medical professional. So I tried explaining what to do over the phone but I’m pretty sure Tony was pretty fucked up too. So I ended up going over to Tony’s place and saving his sister’s life. My dream ended with him apologizing for when he screwed me over (a story for a different time) and blubbering over how he wishes things could be like they used to.

All in all just a shitty dream.

As most people already know, I frequently skip class and go sit in the dining hall on my laptop (like right now..). I usually grab some eggs, bacon, cereal, and some OJ during the breakfast hours, sit down, enjoy my delicious foodstuffs, and maybe read the ISU Daily paper.  Then I whip out Perseus II (my laptop) and check my emails, facebook, tumblr, etc. Eventually I end up doing chemistry homework while watching stuff on Hulu because I have a LOT of chem homework. Then all of a sudden the clock strikes 10:30 and the stupid fatty with the snaggle-tooth that smells like old garlic covered in fermented urinal cakes manlady named PAT dining hall worker comes around telling everyone that they have to re-swipe their cards if they want to stay. Apparently 10:30 is when they start serving lunch. The thing is, if you swipe at 10:31 you can stay in the dining hall until 7:30 at night if you really want. (I should probably mention that each meal costs $10….) There have been times when I unknowingly came in around 10:15 and haven’t had time to start eating before the bitch Pat kicked me out! Our dining centers are all all-you-can-eat type places, so it really doesn’t make any difference if I eat the eggs or the noodles. I guess just because they’re serving different foods means I have to pay them another $10 when all I really want to do is sit in the really really comfortable booths for a while instead of sitting on my ‘granite’ chair with my roommate snoring 5 feet away. I doubt I’m taking up too much of their space seeing as how it doesn’t really get busy until 11:30 and theres like 500 places to sit on just the bottom floor alone. Idk, perhaps I’m just being ridiculous but I always leave the dining center really pissed off whenever PAT is there to escort me out.

Maybe it’s because of how they were brought up. It could be because of our oh so loving and accepting culture. Perhaps it’s simply the result of cruel witchery. 

Of course you’re all thinking what I’m about to say…

Why is everybody turning into such a prissy little pansy???

I’m not sure exactly what happened, but lately I’ve been noticing some very dainty behavior from numerous sources. Of course my roommate is included in those sources. 

An example: The other day my roommate and I went to dinner with our next door neighbor at the dining center here on campus. The entire time we were looking for food, (the dining center is an all you can eat style place with numerous “restaurants” inside), he just kept complaining about how all of the food has gone “so far down hill” since we first got here. Meanwhile I’m loading up my plate with steak, mashed potatoes, and spaghetti. We finally sat down and I saw that he had just decided to go with a bowl of Lucky Charms. He starts complaining about the food some more while we’re eating (my steak was delicious) and finally gets to his breaking point. He had an absolute fit about what kind of milk there was. Direct quote “…and they don’t even have the good kind of milk here! I can’t drink 2%, it’s way too fatty! I’m not drinking skim milk either, it’s too watery!” (Also might I mention that his favorite beer is Coors Light aka water with a hint of beer flavoring) He exclaimed, rather loudly, that he only will ever drink milk that is precisely 1%. He won’t accept anything other than his favorite brand either. He then refused to finish his Lucky Charms.

I know that’s a long paragraph for him simply “being picky about his milk”, but you have to realize that this was over the course of probably about an hour. An hour of constant whining about how his milk was just completely unacceptable. Also, note that whilst whining he uses a very high pitch stressed voice that’s really femmy and annoying.

Another amusing tale??

I’ve been really sick the last 2 weeks. I’m talking sore throat, headaches that make you unable to stand for more than 5 minutes, coughing, and lots of yummy vomit but I don’t really let it get to me. The other day I had a Skype-date with my girlfriend around 9:30. He claims that I got him super sick and tells me that I need to leave the room if I’m going to be talking to my girlfriend. (Note: he watches movies til 3:00 every morning because he needs to keep “the bad thoughts away” before he goes to bed. I get up at 6:45…). I would kinda feel bad if I got him sick so I ask him whats wrong. He tells me he has this horrible cough. When I come back and go to bed he’s still awake (watching a damn movie) and I hear him cough. Have any of you seen Zoolander?? His cough was pretty much exactly the same as when Zoolander thinks he has “the black lung”. Its pathetic, and he made me sit in the hallway for it.

One last story (actually its a 2 for 1 kind of thing) (and its not all about my roommate) lol

So one of my best friends from home is coming to town for the weekend and my roommate is really stoked. (We know each other from high school) He’s been trying to nail my friend since 8th grade. Sad right? Well he really wants to impress her so he decided he wanted to get a hair cut. Of course my neighbor and I were dragged along with him because he doesn’t like to be alone. There are probably somewhere around 3 or 4 places to get your hair cut withing walking distance from where we live. There’s a barber and a salon right next to each other. Yeah… he went to the salon. Paid $30 for a haircut he could have got next door for $10. (That reminds me.. he has a personal hair stylist back home that cuts his hair for $40+ every MONTH) Anyways, while we’re at the salon theres this other guy there getting a similar haircut. Now he’s REALLY sissin’ it up. I’m pretty sure he had a purse. He’s at his personal stylist who he’s been seeing for 3 years and he’s getting a “Tier-4” haircut, whatever the hell that means. We’re getting ready to go, my roommate has his dainty-cut, when all of a sudden I hear a scream. Like an old-school horror movie GIRL scream. I look over and its Mr. Tier-4 Haircut Man looking in the mirror. Apparently he regretted cutting off his old hair (which was pretty long). He starts freaking out and hyperventilating and I think that he may have been crying. Finally he manages to get himself to the register to pay and I can see that he is indeed bawling his sad little eyes out :(

Here’s my favorite part.

He was wearing boots.

Not Iowa/Farmer/Hiking boots.

Little furry Ugg-like boots. With little fuzz balls dangling from the sides.

Suddenly I realize.

My roommate has a pair of slippers just like those that he wears to walk across the 3x10 section of our floor that isn’t carpeted right next to the door.

Oi….

I’ve got plenty of other stories about people being ridiculously pathetic, but the one’s about my roommate just give me so much more joy to spread around the inter-web tubes.

In the mean time:

You might be under the influence of witchery if:

1. You just can’t walk past a Banana Republic store without making a purchase.

2. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, and you carry a man-purse.

3. You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don’t do highlights.

4. You also exfoliate and moisturize. (like my roommate)

Hello to all fellow tumblrs …tumblrers?…. people that use tumblr.com. Often times I feel things about things. Yes I know, I’m so unique. My roommate is a cock-sucker who thinks he knows everything about everything so THIS *wonderful gesture to the page* is where I am going to express myself without getting the urge to be kicked out of school for murder. 

Now, the point of this post is to let you know that I have very “different” opinions about the aforementioned things that I feel things about. (*Note* Not all things in this blog will be politically based.) While you may have different opinions, I will be completely respectful and mature about how I handle my interactions with you.  I am a dick. I am an asshole. Most importantly… I don’t give a shit.

If you find my thoughts intolerant… too damn bad because this is…

MY OWN DAMN OPINION